I just need validation that I’m not crazy

My sweet son is 3 weeks old and the rhythm that we are supposed to be falling into is just nonexistent. Everyone says, “it will get easier!” and it’s only gotten more difficult. He only sleeps on my chest or my husband’s, and he wails the second we put him down, even if he’s fast asleep. Despite the fact that he eats around the clock, he still isn’t back up to birth weight so now I’m using the Haakaa each time I feed him to supplement with a bottle as soon as he is done, per his pediatrician’s recommendation.

Also, I fell one week postpartum and tore my meniscus, so unfortunately I am going to have surgery on Thursday to repair it. I’ve been on crutches and in a brace since the fall and will continue to be on crutches until 6 weeks post-op, and after that I can’t exercise or even go on walks for 4 months. I’ve missed out on my baby’s first walk (dad took him) and his first bath (I sat in the bathroom but couldn’t bend down to bathe him, so dad did it).

This means that I need help for every single task. I can’t even reheat food and set it at the table because I can’t carry anything while on crutches (including my baby). Every time I have to shower, my husband has to help me, which means we have to put the baby down. Then he wails and wails, and I feel like I’m ruining him every single time, which destroys me.

I guess I just need to get this out there. Postpartum has been marked by so much pain for me, and I just hope I’m not failing my son.