i feel unreasonable for being annoyed, but i also don't care

i'm so fucking fed up of being the butt of the joke all the time. i don't mind it usually because i know it's not meant to be taken seriously, and that my friends and family do actually like me and care about me and all that, but it sometimes just feels like flogging a dead horse and sometimes i'm just not in the mood to deal with it, like today.

i've always been the 'good' child who keeps the peace and is always well-behaved and helpful... i never really feel justified being angry or annoyed. even now i feel i'm being kind of unreasonable and self-indulgent, but at the same time... i don't care?

we all rib each other, and me and A especially have some good fun back-and-forth banter, but at the same time he's just relentless with it. sometimes it really feels like he's only ever nice to me if he wants something. maybe it's me complicating things, because i like him and we sleep together sometimes, but i've repeatedly accepted he doesn't have any actual interest in me.

all of that aside, would it kill him to be nice to me once in a while? i know it's how we interact and usually i'm fine with it and it's all fun, but like... idk, i'm a sensitive person (always been told im oversensitive, so) and it is ALWAYS me he teases. i know i'm easy to take the piss out of, but i look at how he interacts with my brother and J and C, then i open my mouth and get just relentlessly teased.

i'll be over it by tomorrow, but like,,, idk it's hurtful sometimes. i'm trying to let myself be angry more often, not that i get angry often. it just really fucks me off sometimes that i'm the butt of the joke every single time and i can't even have a convo with him without getting dragged.

it's definitely not as deep as it feels, but it definitely feels it LMAO i'm probably due to start my period or something which is why it feels like the world's ending. part of me just wants to wake up to an apology and a bit of reassurance he doesn't genuinely see me as a fucking joke.

that's self-indulgent, but also i don't give a fuck.