I’m so undeniably stuck

I hate how my life turned out. From the age of 7 and on there has never been peace in my life. Not a single day. Here I am now 34 and I’m not even rock bottom anymore. I’m an inch away from 6 feet under. My husband hates me. And for a lot longer than I thought. I have no family in my life besides my children. They are the inch that’s keeping me earth side. No friends to reach out to since my husband constantly tells me they’re bad people. I’m so fucking tired and exhausted. I’m tired of the emotional and verbal abuse. I want to close my eyes and cease to exist. I have no where to go but in the ground.