I Love My Younger Brother, But I’m Exhausted

This is going to be a long one. *Also i had to chatgpt it because i wrote way too much.

I (22F) have a younger brother (19M), and we both grew up in a toxic environment. Our childhood was filled with tension, and both of us were bullied at different points in our lives, which affected us in very different ways. He became outspoken, social, and fun to be around, while I withdrew and became quiet. But beneath all that, both of us struggle with anxiety, anger issues, and social anxiety. It’s not diagnosed, but it’s there, and it affects how we function every day.

One of the biggest issues is my brother’s sudden mood swings. He’ll be fine one moment, but the smallest thing can upset him, and then he creates a huge scene, making the atmosphere at home unbearable. He argues over things that don’t even seem like a big deal, but for him, they are. It turns into a cycle where things feel normal for a while, and then suddenly, everything is chaotic again. I try my best to control my own emotions, but sometimes, my anxiety gets too overwhelming, and I’ve had panic attacks because of it.

Our home has never been a peaceful place. My father has always been emotionally unavailable and never really took responsibility for our education or growth. On the other hand, my mother has been overly involved, managing everything, including our basic needs. They do support us now, but the damage from our childhood is something we still deal with every day.

Academically, my brother has been struggling. He failed his 12th-grade physics exam last year, then failed the re-exam too. This time, we were hoping he would do better, but he’s already doubting himself and stressing out. A few days ago, he even said he would end his life if he failed again. That really shook me, and I spent hours talking to him, trying to reassure him that things would work out. I know he’s overthinking, but his way of dealing with stress just makes things even harder for everyone.

I love him a lot. I’ve always been there for him—when he was bullied, when he struggled with anxiety, when he needed someone to talk to. I made sure he had a safe space to cry, to vent, to feel heard. But sometimes, when we argue, he throws it all back at me, saying I’ve never cared about him, that I only think about myself. It hurts because I have spent so much time and energy trying to support him, even at the cost of my own peace.

I’m trying to build a better future for both of us, especially for our youngest sister, so she doesn’t grow up in the same toxic environment we did. But every time I try to move forward, my brother’s actions make everything harder. I don’t know how to balance it anymore—helping him, dealing with my own struggles, and trying to change things for the better. It’s exhausting.

Edit: no we never been to therapy because of our bad financial problems. I'm trying my best to get a job and get him to therapy first. this was always the plan from my side. To get a job asap and get him the proper help he need. but i can't even get a job because of the stuff that happens everyday. even during my interviews there's sometimes argument going.