Core of who I am

Core of who I am (beautiful boy inspired)

I have seen myself as an addict. The core to who I am.

But all it means is, that's how I have been treating my problem.

It is my responsibility to try and fill the hole which my drug abuse creates within me.

Drugs aren't the cure, I have to, want to stop feeling so numb, so empty.

An illusion of feeling happiness, free. A facade that can only be temporary.

Euphoric feelings that have to and will eventually end. And the misery you are left with, it only feels more permanent.

The longer you pretend, the more of your life ends up unlived, lines sniffed.

Thinking of everything I missed out on often makes me tear up, this time sniffing away my tears, because I wasted all those years, sniffing away my fears.

I felt resented by the present, every event felt increasingly draining.

Did I have any thing left to lose? Anything I could be gaining?

Mourning the living, it should not be necessary.

I grieve the person I could have been, while I'm still here, alive. Too alive to bury.