Fell In Love With Someone Emotionally Unavailable

The title pretty much says it all. I met Grape (33, NB) who said they were polyamorous. They have a NP (31, F). Long story short: Grape and their NP decided they aren't actually polyamorous after things got emotionally intimate between Grape and I. I was subsequently discarded after they did something harmful.

What I'm struggling with is that I thought the relationship I had with Grape was much different than it was. They asked me to let them in, to share my intimate thoughts and feelings, and I did. They were the first person I was really, authentically vulnerable with. I let them in in a big way, with their assurances and affirmations of trust - and they told me when we broke up that those things that they asked me to share were just too much.

They said they wanted to be friends, and despite myself, I tried to do that and it just hurts more. I've been shattered since our break up and when we chat, they seem perfectly okay. They talk about how happy they are, the adventures they've been on, and meanwhile, I've been crying myself to sleep every night for weeks. They even told me the other day that they don't care if I choose to have them in my life or not, and that they don't have the mental or emotional space for anything that isn't simple and peaceful - and I felt so small, and like I had been discarded all over again.

I know that they lied to me about what they were capable of when we started dating, but I didn't know I meant so little to them. They were emotionally unavailable from the outset, I didn't see it, and I fell in love with them. And now, not only is my heart broken from a breakup, but also from the harsh realization that they mean so much more to me than I ever did to them. Now, it feels like I'm grieving something else entirely.

Thanks everyone ❤️