I hope my next birthday present is my mom’s death certificate

I can’t fuking do this. I am 19 now and male but I am still living in their house because my uni starts after summer and I have no job. I basically feel like a slave because every single fight ends with the fact that I depend on them for money so I can just be homeless if I want “freedom.” My dream is to be a doctor and they will pay for tuition and living expenses but they literally said I need to follow every single fucking rule they give. I can’t be out past 11 because it’s “dangerous” and they always give the disgusting sanctimonious speech that they are just looking out for me and that I’m ungrateful

I just got a gf who I really love and we like to spend everyday together but I fucking can’t because sometimes we hanged past 11 and I had so many fights with my parents. My mom specifically seems to think that children should always listen to their parent no matter how fucked up they are so my parents hate my gf because she is allowed to stay after 11 and that makes her a very bad girl for me.

I used to love my dad but now I hate him too cuz he has no balls and never backs me up and he says he actually supports my mom, when it comes to money if my mom threatens to not give me money then he will support her like a dog, and it’s ironic cuz my mom doesn’t earn a cent and she is a housewife, a housewife who is always swearing and cussing at me and my dad, and my dad says he is enduring this marriage for me, genuinely think my dad is just a coward

My mom has obviously hit me a lot in the past, and argues furiously with my dad every single fucking day but my dad thought having a mom is better for me than a stepmom, throughout the years I begged him to just divorce her and he said it’s not good for my fucking education, then every time he gets verbally abused by my mom he reminds me that he is doing this for me. Disgusting

I just graduated from high school but during high school I wanted my dad to give me money to move out but he always convinced my to stay and maintain this”boat” of family. I honestly forgot why I complied but he is very persuasive. But now I feel fucking played cuz lately and after I graduated ,thus losing high school to fall back on, my dad during arguments said ok if you don’t like the house just move out, what’s stopping you? And I won’t give you money cuz you don’t need to go to school anymore.

I hate verbalizing the issues I have with my parents, especially in person, because I can never convey just how infuriating they are, so it always just sounds like I am overrrqcting and being dramatic.

My mind is very sound now and I am very composed, but I mean every single word when I say I hope my mom dies in the worst way possible