My boyfriend wants me to limit my self expression for the next 10 years to what his family approves of

Help, I actually don’t know what to do.

I’ve 19F been dating my boyfriend 18M for a year and a half and I’ve always known he’s had problems with how he acts around his family. To keep it simple, they’re highly religious, but also really well off. This is bad because me and my boyfriend are bi. Of course, since I’m a girl, they think that we’re just straight. However, the problem lies with how he acts in our relationship due to his family. Every time I specify something he does that I don’t like that has to do with his treatment of me, it stems from his parents control of him that, “he knows is illogical but can’t do anything about.”

I try to be understanding about this stuff, cause he insists that it’ll change once he moves out of his parents house, but that’s not really the case. His family is well off as I mentioned before, and his grandfather has talked about giving him his store. However, this means that he has to stay in his good graces and I have to play the “perfect” girlfriend act.

This act isn’t limited to family gatherings and dinners though, it includes Everywhere in public. I can’t wear anything that his family would disapprove of(anything pride, cursing, at all sexual, demon related, ext.) because they “might” see us in public.

I told him that I understand his living situation is one thing, and I don’t mind being mindful of that stuff, but after he moves out, (in a few months) I won’t be limiting my self expression in public anymore. I wouldn’t be wearing that kind of stuff at a family gathering, but I don’t see why I should have to worry at the office chance that we run into a family member of his and they start gossiping.

However, he thinks I’m being unreasonable and making a big deal about nothing. He doesn’t understand why my self expression is that important that I can’t just cover it up for 10 years till his grandfather passes and he gets the store. I’ll be 29 by that time, and all he could say was “so? So will I.”

He keeps focusing the argument on why I have to wear a shirt (because the argument stemmed from him making me zip up my jacket that had a censored curse word on it) and I’ve tried to tell him that’s not the point. It’s about how I act, how I talk, what I say, the places I go, how I dress and present myself, who I am!

I’m not stopping him from limiting himself and what he does, but maybe I’m just overreacting about not being able to express myself. He says that with the money, we’d be financially free and be able to do whatever we want, but that just sounds like a bunch of false promises. And in the end, I don’t care about the money. Money can’t buy back those 10 years of my life that I spent hiding myself.

I love expressing myself through my outfits, I especially love earrings, and i told him it’s not of other people. I express myself the way I want to because it makes me happy, and feel good on the inside.

I don’t know. I don’t want to leave him. I really do love him, but it seems like he just can’t be reasoned with. I feel a bit gaslighted because all he asks is, “why is such a small thing such a big deal to you? Why can’t you do this small thing?” But self expression is a big thing? How do I convince him? Or How do I explain to him in a way he will understand?

I want us to both feel happy and secure in this relationship, but nothing will change or get better at this rate.

TLDR my boyfriend wants money from his family so he’s telling me I can’t express the parts of me that they wouldn’t agree with physically or verbally in any public area.