Can’t give up control

Hi I am a 20yo girl and I’ve realised I have a problem with sex and orgasming.

When I would have sex with my ex I never came from him eating me out. It was all mental because I felt like he wasn’t going to do it properly or he’d be there for ages. Because it takes me like 1 minute and I can make myself orgasm so waiting for him to do it felt like a waste of time. He was was eager so that wasn’t the problem. Also I came easily from penetrative sex. I didn’t feel like there was a rush for this or anyone was waiting for it to happen. It felt good and I would orgasm.

Now I bought a vibrator and I still don’t want to wait for it! I’m so impatient because I know my hands can do a faster job and i can make it happen for certain.

I don’t like waiting and giving up the control to either a toy or a partner when I know my fingers can do it. But it’s such a problem for me now. Why can’t I give up the control and relax?

I also feel like it’s a lot harder to orgasm when I wait for someone/thing else. Maybe I am getting psyched out.

Please any advice 🙏