Boyfriend Loves Sex on Drugs

I have never done drugs and hopefully never will. My boyfriend, however, went through a massive phase where he was always high, drunk, and sleeping around. The first time we had sex together was not stellar; he couldn’t stay hard due to nerves and admitted it was his first time having sober sex. Things have been great ever since.

Although he has mentioned a couple of times how amazing sex on coke is. I know this is a very popular opinion, not just a him-thing, but we’ve only ever had sober sex. I don’t know how to give him an experience that’s more mind blowing than literal cocaine. One particular time that hurt me was when we were talking about our dream ways to die. At first, he said receiving a blowjob from me. I made a joke about this a couple of months later, and, having forgotten his original answer, he said “being balls-deep in someone whilst on coke”.

I know it’s a silly thing to be upset about, but I feel so insecure. I know I’ll never be able to give him a better experience, not even with the amount of love and intimacy I provide. I am not coke, and I'm infinitely jealous that another girl gave him this mind-blowing experience. He won’t even do coke around me; I don’t know how I'm supposed to compete when he makes it so obvious he prefers high sex but won’t have high sex with me.