I can’t do this

Becoming a mother is the worst mistake I have ever made in my entire life. I have never been this miserable, suffocated, trapped, tired, or angry. Every single day is exactly the same. I have no support except for my husband. We don't live near family. I grew up in a very strict household where I could never go anywhere or do what I wanted and motherhood is taking me right back to that headspace so it's very triggering. I have no motivation to take care of myself. I make things for my toddler but all I care to feed myself is processed junk that's quick and doesn't take any work. My 3 month old baby doesn't let me sleep. I have a sliver of free time every day when my toddler has quiet time and my baby is taking his afternoon nap, but it's rare they are both content at the same time. I seriously do not understand how people can do this. This is crazy making. I just want my freedom back. I feel so guilty constantly. My kids deserve a mom that is happy and fun. I know exactly what I should do to feel better. Eat better, work out, sleep better, therapy, etc. but I have no energy to start. I am trapped in the house all day every day because taking a toddler and a baby out in public is so stressful. I literally cannot do this. I fantasize about running away all the time. How do people do this? How long is it going to feel like this? I feel like I am having a breakdown every other day.