Do kids really need to spend every waking hour with their parent(s)?

Honestly, parents with kids: How much attention and time does your kids need or want with you on a weekly/daily basis?

I have a 10 month old infant with my husband, and I don't think he wants my attention as much as my SS12 wants my husband's attention 24/7.

My husband and I got into a tiff earlier today about what has been happening in the past few days with my SS.

We went on a date Friday night since my SS went to BM's for the holiday weekend. Every 15-20 minutes, my SS was texting his dad to ask a question. Can I do this? Can you do this for me? Why not? Why? Why? Why? I told my husband we might as well had stayed home and ordered in by the number of times he was on his phone. The texts continued even when we got home. My SS wanted to come home early yesterday morning even though he wasn't supposed to until today, Monday late morning. All because he missed his dad, he said. Even though he lives with us full-time and sees BM every other weekend. We had plans yesterday, so my husband couldn't pick him up, but he sure did spent most of the day either on his phone or computer playing games with my SS.

(And yes, before anyone points it out, I have mentioned countless times before to my husband that he lacks boundaries, structure with my SS, and the ability to say "no." It's a work in progress for many, many years now. It's also a point of contention for us and the only real thing we "fight" about these days. I actually miss when the arguments were around BM.)

Today, as soon as my SS came home, he wanted to play computer games with my husband. My husband already spent 2 hours (it was a 4 hour round trip) in the car with my SS after picking him up from the pick-up place and spent another 4 hours with him. That meant I was with my infant son for 8 hours even though I needed a break. At around 4 pm, I finally toss (not literally, lol) our baby at my husband and told him it was his turn to watch him before leaving to go sit in my sanctuary, aka my laundry room.

This is the part that got to me. My SS then complained to my husband that he never ever evvvvvvver had time to spend with his dad because "you're always with baby." That my husband doesn't spend time with my SS at all since he's ALWAYS with me or our baby, and why does he need to be with the baby so much. Like. Excuse me??! The nerve of my SS to say this bullshit. Monday thru Friday, I'M the one who watches our infant from the moment he wakes up at 6 am until my husband gets off of work remotely at 3 pm. I then get an hour of "me" time from 4 pm to 5 pm before we start our baby's bedtime routine. During this time is when my husband has our son.

My husband literally spends about 1-3 hours each day interacting with our baby, which is only possible because he works remotely, but he's not spending quality time with our baby until 4 pm. He spends more time with my SS every single week than he does with our infant son. As soon as he gets home, my SS is demanding time with his dad and always gets pissed that his dad has to watch his OTHER child until we finish bathtime. Like dude, we've been doing the same bedtime routine since the baby was 4 months. Bath at 5, into pajamas at 5:15, my husband leaves the room since our son is easily distracted, takes his bottle at 5:30, and hopefully he's asleep by 6 pm. My SS knows this, but he still demands time with his dad during that period as though he literally doesn't spend 6-9 pm with my husband almost every single night.

My husband informed me that my SS said he doesn't get enough attention at our house and has too much attention when he's at BM's house. Which has fabber my gasted because WTF does he even mean by that????? He literally spends every night and weekends wanting/getting my husband's time and attention, to the point that I feel like me and our baby are intruders in this house sometimes. I don't remember the last time my husband and I even had a movie night at home without being interrupted by my SS because he needed something or is wanting to join in so he can talk with his dad throughout the movie.

I don't know, man. My nieces are 13 and 15, and they're not even this needy or desperate for attention from their parents. My 10 month old son doesn't even want THIS much attention from ME. He likes to just roll around and crawl everywhere on the floor while playing with his toys and will literally push me out of his way. He plays independently and only occasional need to be next to me only when he's tired.

Is this what I have to look forward to when my kids are older??? I'm mentally exhausted by how demanding my SS is every single flipping day, so IDK how my husband does it. I told my husband he needed to figure something out cause, geez. I don't know about him, but we are going to do things differently with our children cause mama ain't have the patience for all of this. I can't stand clingy and whiny kids, especially those who act like it's the end of the world if they don't get their way right this instant. I'm so hoping and praying my kids don't turn out that way because YIKES.

Also, I'm mad at BM. She promised to start doing 50/50, and the lady has gone back on her word. I encouraged and supported her, even rooted for her to graduate college, and this is how she's playing me? How rude, lol. I'm literally her cheerleader and will lift her up to the heavens if she actually follows through with joint custody. I need a break from my SS.

Edit to say my SS is in therapy and sees a therapist every week. He resists therapy some days and loves it the next day. It's been less effective in the past year, though. He has a new therapist every year because they either transfer or won't take him as a client anymore. Yes, he's on medications as well. No, we're not sure what the next steps are, but my husband is looking into them.