I feel dramatic
Okay so a few weeks ago my partner and I started going to couples counseling. The first session we had seemed very normal but looking back maybe it wasn’t. In that first session my therapist disclosed she was in a lesbian marriage (I thought she was trying to build report with us being a lesbian couple).
The second session- we were talking about something relatively normal which was about how my partner and I have a pattern where she sometimes will shut down my emotions and is unable to support me and sometimes I ask for my emotional needs when it’s rumination and she genuinely doesn’t have the space for it. Anyways this divulged into the therapist saying That she and her partner have the same issues and I’m more like her wife where I need to unpack and she’s like my partner and needs it be put away. She then went deeply into my rumination- then when I agreed but said still sometimes I don’t feel heard in my relationship and my partner has openly admitted that she often times approaches problems by immediately jumping into solve mode.
She tells me that I’m deeply insecure, and anxious and it is a burden to my partner (and implied others). I pressed her on this because it felt wrong and said I disagreed I don’t think I’m burdensome. She then launched into its my own issue with the word because I subscribe to “disgust culture”- something she proudly told us she made up. I then tried to move the conversation and said we can disagree but it’s triggering me please stop let’s move on and she doubled down.
She told me I don’t need to agree with her philosophy but it’s only bothering me bc I’m subscribing to “disgust culture”. Which she told me I had a choice not to but those who subscribe walk around with hate-filled hearts. She also said that “disgust culture” causes racism so basically implied I’m a racist. Atp idk what’s happening I’m dissociating/crying and asked her what are we talking about? She told me to tell her bc it seemed like I assumed she was judging me and she’d approached the conversation with an open heart. After that she continued to tell me that Donald Trump subscribes and that’s why he does horrible things. She also told me that what separates pedophiles from those how act on it is the subscription to “disgust culture”-I’m a survivor of CSA and a product of rape so horribly triggering. I finally told her you don’t even know me stop making a broad assumption she said “you’re right I don’t know you this is why I hate EAP clients and I wasn’t saying you are those things I’m saying if you were to subscribe to “disgust culture”. By the end of the session she then talked about me in third person to my partner.
It was only 2 sessions and I’d been at my close to my prime mental health- I am now having passive suicidality (I’m safe). I feel like a burden which was so hard for me to overcome from my own traumas, which are unfortunately quite a lot. My favorite thing about myself is my kindness and who I am in relationships- it’s what keeps me centered. I felt like she used things in the previous session to make me feel worthless. Maybe this doesn’t belong in this sub, but I’ve called my mom everyday since and now I really feel burdensome and scared to rely on my support system. My partner has been really good about it telling me our therapist was unethical and wrong.
Maybe this post doesn’t belong here but I feel like I’m overreacting- how can one session undo years of personal growth? Is this normal?