Confused, scared, exhausted

I'm 31, AFAB, and have been in some way or other questioning since my teens. I was raised Catholic in a very Catholic, homophobic and transphobic country (been living in the UK for 8 years now) and although I've done a lot of deconstructing and therapy some messages are just so deeply internalised that it feels like there's a mental wall blocking me from accepting and even figuring out who I am. All I know is I don't feel like a woman or man, certainly not in strictly binary terms. I have quite a bit of discomfort about my body, I don't like my chest or curves, I don't like having periods, pregnancy made me viscerally uncomfortable. I don't like my very feminine, very biblical name. I'm just bloody confused and scared and I don't know what to do. And I apologise if this is not the sort of post for this sub.