I'm overwhelmed

I just got out from doing 9 years and all this is overwhelming. I managed to get a job but my social anxiety and ptsd are making that hard to manage. Everyone is so proud of me which is alot of pressure when every last fiber of my being is saying RUN. I don't know. I'm not trying to choose failure but I'm not happy. Like nothing is making me happy. Where I'm staying the job none of it. What worries me even more is what if I get back out traveling and I'm still not happy. I don't think I'm in a dark place but it's def very Grey.