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Madison Howard

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SnooBananas6338

2025-01-27 15:46:40

Am I a bad daughter ?

MelancholyBean

2025-01-27 14:15:28

Do your APs regularly insult you?

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Hi Em- I’m Vietnamese American as well, and no, you’re actually a wonderful daughter. Your parents should be grateful to have a kind daughter who takes care of them. I certainly don’t do what you do for my parents, and I’m almost 40.

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This has been on my mind because I feel like I’ve had a change of perspective recently in terms of being more positive on my outlook. There is a great guilt that comes with not picking up the phone but I also think it should be my first step. Happy to hear from other Viet Americans, happy tết!

1738010452
I’m sorry to hear this. Are you in therapy or something similar? That helped me majorly. Also reading books like Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents helped me feel less alone and improved my self worth. Over time I’ve come to accept my parents for who they are. I don’t like who they are but I don’t have the bandwidth to change them. I resent them and I sympathize for them. I want to help them and I want to be far away from them. It’s so very complicated. Our relationship has improved over the years, in that it’s gotten milder and there are less explosions, in large part because I moved away. I realized this after the pandemic—I stayed with them for four months and it sucked. Never again. Also the onus to improve a relationship is almost never on the child. Parents need to parent. We didn’t ask to be brought into this world and children certainly don’t deserve to be treated poorly.

1738009041
Not in therapy but hoping to be in the future. My experience almost mirrors yours. I moved back in briefly during my last semester and it was a better experience than the one I had growing up because I think they missed me and realized I’m more sensitive than previously thought. I have always spoke my mind on what is wrong but rarely mentioned the toll it takes on me emotionally. My siblings seem to have the same dynamic with me as my parents do. Both my older sister and younger siblings look to me for order and the family as a whole rely on me to keep their business tidy and run favors. I want to be genuine in my love and don’t mind most of the time but do not want to be relied on forever. Glad to hear someone talking about setting personal distance.

1738010240
Mom used to be like this but it has died down now that she’s old. I regret not being strong enough to say the right things back. If you reply in things that are true but control your emotions they might react badly but it will reach them. Even though it’s not your job it is good to say how you feel even though it’s not “necessary”. Leave the environment when you can.

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